I’ve been up a lot lately. It is probably starting to show on my face…and my husbands (sorry to his co-workers for…well…anything that needs apologizing for. I’m sure his attention to detail has declined significantly.) I’m finding it somewhat amusing what lack of sleep can do to the brain (if you don’t laugh, you cry, right?). I have very strange thoughts in the wee hours of the morning while feeding babies…and because someday I’m sure I’ll forget what this felt like, I figure, why not share my recent “deep thoughts” I’ve had during the late nights/early mornings…as far as I can remember anyways 😉 And if you opened this post hoping for some real deep thoughts….my apologies…these really aren’t deep. These are the thoughts of a sleep deprived brain 🙂
Self to self: “Why can’t sleep be more like fat? You know, you can eat and the calories and energy is stored in your fat cells for later usage. Why couldn’t sleep be that way? Like, ‘Hey, I’m going to take this 2 hour nap now and I want it to be put into my sleep bank for later. Thanks.’ That would be super helpful right now. You know that God? That would have been an awesome way to make us ya know? And when I get to heaven, I’m going to give Rebecca & Isaac the biggest high fives. Seriously…those poor people. They were in their sixties and had twins. I’m not even thirty (yet) and these kids are killing me. Props to Rebecca and Isaac.”
Great thoughts right? Gets better.
Self to self: “On the subject of lack of sleep…remember that episode of Myth Busters you watched years ago about the various forms of distracted driving and which was worse? Yeah, of course you do and yes it’s relevant right now. They had texting/phone usage while driving, drunk/buzzed/hung over driving, and sleep deprived driving. Remember the results of that test? Yes…drunk driving and sleep deprived driving ranked basically the same. THE SAME. Do you know what that means??!! Every time you drag yourself out of bed in the middle of the night to feed a kid you are basically drunk. Not functioning well. Not to be trusted: a.) driving b.) making important decisions c.) caring for children. See God? Yet another reason sleep bank would be have been super awesome. I’m just not exactly sure it was cool to create people and make them not operate well with lack of sleep..especially when they have to get up and care for the children you’ve given them. Not to mention the hand eye coordination it takes to make a bottle…or change a diaper even! Drunk and exhaustion are the same…not.fair.”
Over consumption of alcohol and sleep deprivation are the same…yes…I can very much feel that. That’s probably why some things are funny in the middle of the night that otherwise wouldn’t be. Like one night Nathan says to me “you know, baguette bread has always reminded me of Lord of the Rings.” I look at him blankly. He replies “You know Bag-End? Bag-End Bread?!” We both die laughing. Later that morning after he left for work and I was on my 3rd cup of coffee I see the baguette bread on the counter and I sorta remember his little joke. Not funny. Seriously, who were we last night? Who laughs at crap like that? WE DO. When we are basically drunk.
Self to self while changing a baby: “Dang it! Why must baby sleepers be so crazy difficult?! I’m writing a letter to baby clothes makers. Here goes: ‘Dear baby clothes makers! Yes, all of you, listen up! Footie sleepers are amazing for newborns and infants. But why must you make 90% of them with snaps?! People. It’s 2015. Say this word with me: ZIPPERSSSSSSS. Why? Let me clue you in: the people who are using these sweet little outfits are waking up at all hours of the night with their angels and you know what? They are basically drunk and cannot snap the snaps!!! Think I’m exaggerating? Science proves me right. Myth Busters would never disappoint me. So here’s my point: I’m done twisting my face into angry expressions over these snaps. (One time I almost started crying. A few times I’ve said “Ah forget it” and just left the legs unsnapped. Classy.) Please. please. PLEASE…start making more sleepers with zippers. How about 90% with zippers and 10% with snaps? That’d be awesome thanks. Much love, parents of infants all over America.’
A sleep deprived mind…it’s a weird thing. Not only does it make you think strange and embarrassing thoughts, but it also plays tricks on you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve jolted awake thinking that I made bottles left them on the counter and came back to bed leaving the bottles to become unusable. (Formula ain’t cheap…so leaving two bottles to sit and become unusable after one hour is a big deal.) So I get out of bed and walk into the kitchen to find…nothing. Also the babies aren’t even awake needing to be fed. Thanks brain. I’m already not getting much sleep and you have to wake me up in a panic? Why do you hate me? I won’t even mention the dumb things you do when you’re sleep deprived…leaving coffee creamer out, putting boxes of cereal in the fridge, finding dirty clothes in the garbage can…like I said, I won’t even mention those things 😉 Also, if you are shopping for your friends who are expecting a baby and you want to buy that cute little sleeper with snaps…if you love your friends at all, put it back and buy the sleeper with a zipper. I promise they will be asking Jesus to bless you while they are up in the middle of the night with their baby over the fact that they do not have to snap 18,000 snaps.
And a word on men…and in no way is the following meant to be degrading towards men or my husband specifically but…God did not create men to wake up in the middle of the night to feed and care for infants. Maybe some are wired that way…but my man is a pretty typical guy and by my observations of him in the middle of the night…God did not create men to be the ones getting up to feed and care for infants. Why do I think that? Well for one thing, there is this someecard…so I’m sure my man isn’t the only one who sleeps through the sound of screaming babies. But, one baby rousing can wake me from a dead sleep..not to mention a crying one. One night I decided to try feeding both babies alone. I think I got 2 hours of sleep. My husband slept through the entire night. At one point I thought “Should I check his pulse? How can he not hear this?!” If you have multiples, I’m sure you know it’s nearly impossible to bottle feed two+ babies for more than one feeding solo during the night and get more than 2 hours of sleep (unless you know something I don’t!)….so I am truly grateful for my husbands help. But I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for him in the middle of the night when I look over at him feeding a baby…his eyes shut, starting to lean over, and starting to let…go…of the bab…BABE! Wake up! Seriously though…I always tell Nathan that I hope he gets a crown in heaven that is solely from waking up at night to feed babies because that was so not his gig. He just smiles and says “I don’t mind.” Sweet man. If I could do it alone and be sane the next day, I totally would. And if lack of sleep plays tricks on my mind…I know it does the same for him. One night he sat up in bed, got up, turned on the lights and got back in bed. “What are you doing?!” I asked…(no babies were crying or awake mind you) He rolls over looks at me and says, “What?!” “You turned on the lights!” “Oh. Why did I do that?” “….I don’t know!!! That’s what I’m asking you!!” So great, the sleep deprived mind.
So those are the tired thoughts I can remember at this moment. I know this isn’t my typical type of post…but I think I needed to laugh at myself a bit and someday when everyone is sleeping through the night again, I can remember how weird my thoughts were during this phase. If you’re a parent, you can probably relate to some of this. If you’re not a parent yet…you probably will one day. Also, I found this short article on sleep that I found pretty fascinating…in case you wanted to know some sleep factoids 😉
Press on…or should I say, sleep on 😉